Superman with Handcuffs!

One of my blog readers asked me about my time in the police, they said that I must have a multitude of stories about things that I have been involved in.  Yes, I do indeed and so at their request I will share a few of them with you over time :)

Not everything that happened during my career involved the “troubles”.  There were exceptionally funny, heartwarming and sometimes very dull things that happened.  The first story that I will share with you is one that I have never forgotten, one that still to this day makes me chuckle.

It was a very hot, sultry August, being in uniform, outside in the heat was really unpleasant.  There were four of us on foot patrol together when we got a radio call to return to the station as we were needed to attend a possible domestic violence incident – Where is the humour in that, I hear you cry!  None of course, but keep reading.

We got into a nice air-conditioned vehicle and drove to the address that despatch had given us.  It was a nice quiet little cul-de-sac in quite an affluent area.  Getting out of the car we could hear the sound of a woman in distress coming from the upstairs of the house.  The neighbour who had phoned the police, met us and said he was worried, he knew the husband was at home that day and he had heard screaming and shouting.  He had knocked on the door, but got no answer, the screaming and shouting had resumed, so he phoned us.

We knocked the door, we tried the handle, but the door was locked, from upstairs the woman was shouting for help.  One of my colleagues called to us from the back of the house and said the kitchen window was open.  Being the smallest person amongst them, it was decided that I would be shoe horned through this window to open the door.

So I pretty much got rammed through this tiny window, bounced off the worktop and onto the kitchen floor.  I quickly opened the door and we started upstairs.  One of my colleagues was shouting asking what had happened, was she alright, had anyone a weapon etc, etc.

The woman was shouting her replies and begging the men not to come into the bedroom, just get a woman.  The woman, of course had to be me!  Once the bedroom door was pushed open and it was established it was safe for me to enter the room, in I went.  Only to be confronted by a naked woman handcuffed to the bed and a man dressed as Superman lying on the floor in extreme agony.

I quickly covered her up, trying desperately not to laugh at this poor bloke lying splayed out on the bedroom floor.  I managed to find the keys for the handcuffs and release her, while my colleagues entered the room and proceeded to call for an ambulance for Superman.  They got him as comfortable as possible and left the room to allow her to put some clothes on.

When they came back in, she told us that he had dressed as Superman and was coming to rescue her from her handcuffs.  He had climbed onto the wardrobe and planned to (fly) jump from there onto the bed, but he missed!  Bounced off the footboard of the bed, bounced backwards, hit his head off the wardrobe and then landed in an agonising heap on the floor.

How we managed to stand there with straight faces I’ll never know.  What I do remember was willing myself not to even glance in the direction of any of my colleagues, or I knew I would have exploded with laughter.

Eventually the ambulance arrived for Superman and he and “Lois” were carted off to the hospital.  He had to go still wearing his costume, because they couldn’t risk doing him any further damage by trying to change him – so they would have had to face the humiliation all over again at the hospital – argh.

We laughed for hours afterwards, I’m afraid, as callous as it might seem, we howled at the cringeworthy humiliation that poor couple endured.  We went to that house, expecting something horrendous – thankfully it wasn’t. However, the image of him in his Superman costume has stayed with me ever since.  He was the least unlikely Superman I’d ever seen.

So a word of warning, if one of you ever decides to dress up as a Super Hero to go to infinity and beyond, for heaven’s sake don’t jump off any furniture and don’t use handcuffs that need keys to open them!

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