My Little Lost Boy

This day 4 years ago is the day that my life changed forever.  This is the day that I was in the throes of labour with our darling boy, our miracle baby, our beautiful son.  He was eternally sleeping, his heart had stopped beating, life had been taken from him, before he had a chance to live.  That’s why I refer to him as my little lost boy.  Like the lost boys in Peter Pan, he will never grow up.

At 03:10am on 13th December 2008, after 17 hours of labour, he finally arrived, 31 cms long and weighing 1lb 2ozs, the weight of a bag of sugar. The rest, I’ve already talked about, but I just couldn’t hit his anniversary and not write about him.

We will miss him and grieve for him in one way or another for the rest of our lives.  I will love him for the rest of my life.  So this is a bit of a strange few days for us, I know that I will shed quite a few tears, I always do.  Although life has turned out to be wonderful, in the fact that we have our fabulous girls, losing our son, our first-born still hurts like hell. Nothing can ever replace the void, the space in my heart, the gap in our lives.  He should be approaching 4, he should be a cheeky little chappie, excited about Christmas and Santa, but he’s not.  That is a pain that I will never be rid of.

So forgive me if I am a little quiet for a few days, I will lick my wounds for a while, cry over his pictures and then return to life goes on mode.

heart tear

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6 thoughts on “My Little Lost Boy

  1. i am sending you the biggest hugs possible, i know that they wont fix things but wanted you to know that someone cares that your hurting. xxxxxxxx

    • Thank you Jaime, it’s been a strange time. I thought this year it would be easier,but it still has been a bit of a rollercoaster of emotion xxx

  2. so sorry to read about your lost boy, I lost a child 4 years 5 months & 22 days ago, I find I need to be on my own at certain anniversaries/birthdays to just be. We will miss them forever, I too have had a wonderful girl since, she brings me much joy – lots of love to you on this day…. x

    • Thank you so much and I’m so sorry you have to suffer this hurt too. It’s a tough road to have to follow. You are right about missing them forever,I can be fine and then it just creeps up on me and bam, the tears come xxx

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