Liar Liar Pants on Fire

I did it – today I officially became my mother – argh.  I told my daughter not to pull that face because the wind would change and it would stay like that!  It was a desperate move, because today has been the day from hell.  My daughters have spent the entire day screaming, crying, pushing each other, wrecking each others toys and generally being complete monsters and they are both still only babies really.  I envisage nightmare teen years in our house.

My mother used to tell me all sorts of untruths, I won’t call them lies, technically they are, but I now tend to think of them as parenting desperation tactics.  Can you remember some of the things your parents and other adults used to say to you as a child?

Don’t go out of the house with wet hair, you’ll catch your death of cold.  This apparently has been scientifically proven to be completely untrue.

You can’t go swimming, you’ve just eaten and will get cramp.  Again totally untrue.

Eat your carrots, they’ll help you see in the dark.  How exactly? There is no scientific evidence of this whatsoever.

Santa’s elves are out watching you all year and reporting back to him when you are naughty.  My mother used this all the time, especially because during the bad times in Northern Ireland helicopters were a constant regular sight and sound, she used to tell us it was Santa’s elves.  Being watched by little men with pointy ears and curly toed shoes is all just a bit creepy!

If I picked Dandelions and got sap on my skin I’d wet the bed!  The only possibly reason I can think for this lie, is that the sap left black marks on my skin.

Bring told that if I swallowed apple pips or grape seeds they would grow in my stomach – I can’t believe I believed that, but I did.

If I sat on the cold ground or a wall etc I’d get hemorrhoids!  I still use this one on my husband, he sits on our low windowsill outside sometimes and I tell him he’ll get piles, we have a wee chuckle because his mum used this one on him too!

If I sat too close to the television my eyes would go crossed – nah, never happened mum!

I’m pretty sure there must have been more and I’m pretty sure that I will use some of these and maybe some new ones on my own daughters.  I know some people get very annoyed at the thought of “lying” to children, but I doubt very much that by telling my daughters they’ll  catch their death of cold if they go out with wet hair, will have any significant long-term physcological effect on them.

So go on then, what little white lies did your parents use on you and have you used any on your children?

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3 thoughts on “Liar Liar Pants on Fire

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  3. My mother told me that if I ate my Ready Brek in the morning that I would glow like the Ready Brek man in the adverts on tv.
    Yes, I believed her.
    Yes, I told my best friend I was glowing.
    Yes, she took the mick out of me for years.

    Mothers!

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