Just Once

After my long hard battle to become a mum, after trying to cope with the loss of our son.  I often feel that, now that I have not 1, but 2 miracle children, I can’t ever have a wee moan.  I can’t ever let motherhood get to me, I can’t ever complain that it is difficult.

I cannot explain, what it feels like every day to wake up and know that I am a mum, to know that those two girls are asleep and that they are ours.  I prayed for this moment for a lifetime and now I have it, I should be happy and never say a wrong word – right?  Of course that’s right and I do understand how people desperate to have children hate seeing parents moan about theirs.  However, I think I have earned the right to allow myself to have a bit of a moan, even though I feel immensely guilty doing it.  So here goes

Just Once – I’d like to lie in my bed on a weekday until after 9am.

Just Once – I’d like to come downstairs make a cup of tea and some toast, sit down in peace and eat and drink it all to myself, without having to pour some of my tea into a plastic tea set cup for my toddler to drink and split my toast between both of them.

Just Once – I’d like to do this watching the news and not Disney Junior or Cbeebies

Just Once – I’d like to do this without our toddler diving onto the couch beside me spilling my tea and without our baby clinging onto my legs and biting my kneecap.

Just Once – I’d like to have a shower without 2 little remarkably cute faces, pressed up against the glass.

Just Once – I’d like to have my shower, without the door being opened and various items being thrown in along with me – mostly my clean clothes or the towel.

Just Once - I’d like to get dried and dressed without having to tell my daughter 100 times, that I’m putting on deodorant!  “Mummy, what you doing, mummy what you doing, mummy what you doing”  It takes a brief moment to deodorise, but my daughter can fit that question in at breakneck speed over and over and over!

Just Once – I’d like to be able to turn on the hairdryer and dry my hair properly without having the 2 of them dangling off the cable or the baby trying to eat it.

Just Once – I’d like to have a pee without an audience.

Just Once – I’d like to put on my shoes without having to remove plastic animals and Lego bricks from them first.

Just Once – I’d like to be able to wear the same outfit all day and for it not to end up covered in food, snot and tears.

Just Once – I’d like to drink my glass of water with lunch without having to ask my toddler to take her hand out of it!

Just Once – I’d like them both to go for an afternoon nap so that I can put my feet up and watch some trashy television for an hour.

Just Once – I’d like to be able to watch said television without having to scrub the finger prints and yoghurt off the screen first.

Just Once – I’d like to be able to read a magazine during the day without it being battered out of my hands, pages torn from it and eaten!

Just Once – I’d like to look in the fridge or fruit bowl and not see things with bites out them!

Just Once – I’d like my toddler to throw her unwanted snacks in the bin or just hand them back to me, instead of hiding them somewhere until they are wearing blue fur coats.

Just Once – I’d like to eat my dinner without little hands poking through it and begging for some even though their own dinner is exactly the same.

Just Once – I’d love to have a long soak in the bath without having to empty a multitude of toys out of it first.

Just Once – I’d love to sit down in the evening before 10pm

Just Once – I’d love to get to bed before 1am and be able to switch off and not plan anything!

That’s about it really, there’s quite a few Just Once’s on there.  However, I am happy to forfeit them all every day for the countless times our baby crawls across the floor to me, crinkles up her cute little nose in a smile and stretches her chubby arms up for a cuddle.  Or the numerous times throughout the day that our toddler will suddenly come to me and ask for a big hug, then look me in the eye and say “I love you mummy.”  Each and every one of these times is worth a million sleepless nights, mucky television screens and furry biscuits!  These are the precious things I never want to happen Just Once.

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