Death & Taxes

They say there are only two things in life that we can be certain of, death & taxes.  This last week we have experienced both.  Firstly due to an Inland Revenue mistake, it appears that we owe the tax man more money!  They are being all a bit vague as to how the error happened and aren’t offering any proper explanation, so until they do, I’ve told them I won’t be paying them anything!  Ha my next blog post could be from prison :D

Secondly my husbands best friend Tom passed away very suddenly.  They have been buddies since primary school and it has come as an enormous blow and shock to us.  He was a very healthy man, never smoked, rarely drank and kept himself active and fit.  He was a walker, cyclist and runner, the epitome of good healthy lifestyle.

He went out for a run in the park and never came home.  A massive heart attack took him almost instantly.

His wife walked out on him and their children when the children were babies, their daughter Amy was 2 and Adam was almost 1.  Tom was left “holding the baby”, he threw himself into the task of being both mummy and daddy and his children are an absolute credit to him.  He met his lovely partner Jenny when Amy was 4 and Adam 3.  She became the mum that the children never knew.

Their birth mother stayed out of their lives completely until Amy was 10.  She then made contact again.  By this stage, she had remarried and had 2 sons. She would take Amy and Adam for the weekend, but send them back home a day early.  Sometimes she wouldn’t turn up to meet them at all.  When they did stay she would favour her other 2 sons and tell Amy and Adam that she wished she’d never had them!

Suddenly though as Adams 10th birthday approached she announced that she was taking him to Disneyland paris to celebrate.  It was also her youngest sons 5th birthday around the same time, so she wanted a big joint holiday/birthday.  Tom offered to pay for Amy and Adam, but his ex-wife said no, it was her birthday present and a way of trying to make up for the past.

Tom took the children shopping, bought them new clothes, new cases,etc and got their passports renewed.  On the morning of the trip their mother didn’t turn up.  In a moment of panic, Tom thought he’d messed up and that she was meeting them at the airport.  He bundled the children into the car and sped to the airport.  Their mother was nowhere to be seen.  Tom decided to get her called for over the Tannoy.  Eventually, she appeared, having already gone through to the departure lounge with her husband and sons.  She more or less laughed at Tom and the children and asked them if they really seriously thought she was going to pay to take them away with “her family”.  She said something along the lines of she wasn’t having them there spoiling her son’s birthday.

It was a dreadful moment in those children’s lives.  Tom and Jenny ended up taking them a few days later, to try to get them over the treatment of their mother.  That was the last time either child spoke to their mother again, they disowned her that day 2 years ago.

However, following Tom’s death, she has now reappeared and is demanding her children back.  The poor children are distraught, they want to stay with Jenny.  Jenny is distraught, not only has she lost the love of her life, she now has to fight to keep the children, she has raised as her own for 10 years.

I know if it goes as far as court, they will listen to the children, they are old enough to make an informed choice.  It is just horrific that they are ripped apart at losing their beloved daddy and now they face this battle not to lose their mummy (Jenny).  They are terrified that they will have to go and live with their birth mum.

Adam couldn’t face going to his dad’s funeral, so he came here and stayed with me.  It was one of the saddest days of my life.  Listening to and watching that little boy, not even a teenager yet, being consumed by grief. All I could do was hold him, try to reassure him and try to make him feel safe.  I just hope that their mother backs off and leaves them with the person they associate with being mummy.

So it has been a very sad and hard week and the anniversary of our sons death is rapidly approaching, I’m trying hard to hold it together, but Toms death has made a lot of feelings I’ve been suppressing come bubbling to the surface.  Life is short and every so often I get reminded of this.  So I am determined to live it to the best of my ability, I’m going to try to not worry about the niff naff and trivia, then I’m going to SORT the tax man ;)

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7 thoughts on “Death & Taxes

  1. oh honey, what a horrific time your having!

    I am in the process of renewing my will since i married in June my previous will is null and void.

    my daughters dad would appear and want my daughter just to prove a point so i am having put in my will that if my hubby (who is bringing her up) want to keep my daughter then he get priority. But it is my worst worst fear that my kids will get split up if anything happened to me.

    • oh thank you, it has been rotten. His death was just such a shock and it is just dreadful for the children, they are such lovely kids and their mother has been awful to them. I really hope it works out for them and they can stay with Jenny. I do suspect it might all be just a big scene from his ex, as she really doesn’t want them. I can totally understand you renewing your will, this is exactly what their mum is doing, trying to prove a point. x

  2. Oh honey, this is horrific. I hope tge children get to stay with the mother that actually loves them. Please keep us updated xx

    • It is a dreadful mess Jo and we are all hoping that she just gives up. The good news is that we heard today, that Tom has his custody wishes in writing, although his ex can contest it, I’m not sure that she will x

    • It is really dreadful for them. They are lovely children too, he brought them up so well and apart from the odd hassle with their mum, they were so happy. Losing him has just made their lives fall apart.

  3. (((hugs))) I am sorry for your loss.
    What an awful woman, why would you want to cause your children more heartache like that.
    I am glad they have such a good friend in yourself.
    All my love and best wishes x

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