I have a friend acquaintance ok person who just latched onto a couple of us and is actually a thoroughly unpleasant woman, her sole purpose in life seems to be to put people down, be critical and condescending.  A couple of years ago I took part in a charity “Come Dine With Me”.  Not for television – argh – no way.  This was just groups of people fund-raising.

Anyway this is where I first came across this woman.  She was at the same dinner parties that I was.  Over the course of the 5 nights, she did her level best to antagonise and insult everyone.  She rummaged around people’s homes and made disparaging remarks about the contents!  In particular the use of non branded products.  She would actually inspect the toilet roll and tsk tsk her disapproval if it wasn’t of the cute puppy or Koala Bear variety.  At one dinner party, she almost had the poor hostess in tears.  She really belittled her and made her feel like a pauper because amongst other things her toilet cleaner was a supermarket own brand.  It’s a toilet cleaner for crying out loud!

At said womans party, we walked into what can only be described as the set of a daytime soap opera, completely funded with “product placement”.  The entire house had some kind of branded product in one corner or another.  I spent most of the evening laughing both inwardly and when I couldn’t control it any longer, outwardly.  A tin of furniture polish, casually left on the hall table, toilet cleaner left far enough out from the edge of the loo to be seen as soon as you opened the door.  The cute puppy toilet roll bag folded on the top of the bathroom bin.  There were many more things, including an item of furniture that still had a tag on it from a very expensive antique dealers, saying sold and the date of 3 Dec 2010 on it!  She had honestly either left that label on, or kept it and reattached it for our benefit.

She has a nasty habit of just turning up unannounced, being a bit narky and rude and leaving again, having thoroughly pissed me off.  I have no idea why she still insists on calling with me.  I know that I am offhand and not in the least welcoming to her when she turns up, because I really do not like this woman and will never have a friendship with her.  I think she does it as a means of making herself feel better, because she does the same thing with the others.

On Monday she decided to pay me one of her honoured and impromptu visits.  Unbelievably, my girls were being very accommodating and well-behaved, I had managed to get most of the house cleaned, the washing on and dinner prepared all before lunchtime – I will pay for this later in the week, I know!  So my house was nice and sparkly clean and our dinner smelt great, I was feeling smug.  Then the doorbell rang…….

In waltzes The Wicked Witch of the West and my smug, happy, superwoman bubble bursts and becomes a sullen black cloud.  I automatically steered her to the playroom, where the girls had decided to make jigsaws.  This of course means every single jigsaw comes out at once and all the pieces get dumped all over the floor.  There were also a few colouring books and several million crayons and pencils scattered around too.  Witchy woman instantly screws up her face (she, by the way doesn’t have children) looks down her nose and says “argh, I don’t know how you live like this!”  I really wanted to punch her, right on her carefully made up face.  I didn’t,. but I just thought, oh to hell with you Mrs.  I looked at her and said “Live like what exactly?”  “It’s a playroom for two children under the age of three, what do you expect?”  “You know what the solution is, either go and sit on your own, in my tidy living room, put up with being in a goddamn playroom, or better still, just leave again!”

She didn’t even flinch, she stayed for tea and an hour later eventually left.  By then I was really pissed off and then to make matters worse, I noticed she’d left her coat!  No, no, no, this coat was not staying here for her to make a return trip to collect it.  The next day, I dropped the girls off with granny and drove to the witches lair.  Her hubby (a reasonably nice guy) was in the drive washing his car.  He smiled and told me to go on in, as she was in the kitchen making potions and casting spells – well he didn’t say that, but she was in the kitchen.

I do as instructed and walk into her kitchen and there she is, in all her glory with bottles and jars of supermarket value and basics ranges filling branded containers, everything from jam to bloody toilet cleaner - YES, you read that correctly she was filling the branded containers from economy ranges, not just the supermarket own brand, but the supermarket value brand.  Oh how my heart danced with glee.  Oh how flustered she got, but there was nowhere to hide.  The evidence was damning.  I couldn’t resist and so I quipped “ooh, now that’s cheating”  She spluttered and tried clearing things a bit and then tried to make some excuse that she was filling them up for some old person, because they only wanted branded things, but their pension didn’t stretch far enough and she shopped for them and did this to save them embarrassment.  What a great, big, dirty, rotten lie.

It’s true what they say Karma really is a bitch………………..the only down side is that her poor husband probably got hung, drawn and quartered for just letting me walk in!




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5 thoughts on “Branded

  1. Yikes, how did you put up with her for so long, the older I get the less I can take that kind of behaviour. How are you with her now, has she relaxed a little or did the last brand-gate episode see her off??

    • It only happened this week, so I haven’t seen her again since. She’s one of those people that I don’t see very often at all. She just kind of pops up out of the blue every so often. Hopefully she’s been shamed into disappearing and not returning ha! Although she is brazen enough to act as though it never happened!

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